Logan Wolfram

Enjoying Life for Dessert

Anesthesia….

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So, while I wouldn’t in a million years choose to have the procedure I’ve done TWICE in the past week, you have to admit that any time there’s anesthesia or pain medication involved, there is a chance for ridiculousness.

Yesterday was no exception.

First, Mike and the other nurse anesthetist (whose name I can’t remember,) came in to give me something to “help me relax and sleep” since my procedure was delayed a few hours because of surgical schedules getting backed up throughout the day.  They probably should have asked me the medical questions they needed to know BEFORE they dosed me the relaxing juice.  But nope…they mixed that little cocktail right into my IV and then started asking about family history, medications I was taking, etc.  I think my eyes crossed and I could hear myself slurring my words.  Mike looks at the other guy about 5 questions in and says “You already gave it to her didn’t you?!”  I felt myself laugh like an idiot.  I’m pretty sure I sounded like Beavis and Butthead.

My husband told me that when I was coming out of anesthesia and the nurse came to get him, she “warned him” that I was awfully “weepy as well as a bit combatative.”  Nice…basically I was crying and being a jerk.

I think last week, I was just weepy…

One time under anesthesia I told the nurse that she was so beautiful she should be a model.  I asked Jeremy later if she was as gorgeous as I repeatedly told her and he said “yeah…not really.” HA!  Well, at least I had nice words to say and wasn’t combatative that time.

When I was a teenager and got my wisdom teeth out, I cried again and almost punched the doctor because they gave me pink kleenexes instead of white ones.

The worst of all though was a few years ago when I had carpal tunnel surgery.

I remember that the first time I went in for a consultation, I noticed that the doctor was an attractive fella.  Apparently though when I had the surgery and was all nice and anesthetized, I told him so.  In fact, I told him he was “hot.”  Really hot. Like, really, really, really hot.  Repeatedly.  In front of my husband….who later told me that it reached a point of complete embarrassment.  I was so mortified later that I never went back for my post op appointment.  My pinky finger is still a little strange feeling to this day.

Ahhh…memories.  At least even in the midst of feeling bad and still pretty loopy, there are things to still laugh about.

So what about you?  Ever done or said anything really ridiculous under anesthesia or pain meds?  Do share…I’m in bed recovering all day and could use a laugh or twenty!

Photo Credit

If I had superpowers, today I’d do this stuff…

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I’ve had to be in bed way too many hours lately, and my creative bone is being forced to rest way more than seems natural.  I’ve been all over the web looking for super fun things to do with my kids this week since it’s spring break.  Of course, they’re now at my mom’s for a couple of days so that I can have surgery again today.  Indulge me while I show you (and provide links) to a few things I’d hoped to do this week that are creatively awesome!

Easter Egg Cupcakes via CupcakeProject.com

Yes…these are cupcakes made in REAL egg shells!  And can I tell you how badly I wanted to make them this week?!  For the love….this is the most incredible Easter treat ever (next to a Cadbury cream egg of course!)  I’ll never forget when I was a kid getting what appeared to be a plain white hard-boiled egg in my Easter basket.  When I began to peel it though, inside the egg, injected in some super secret and amazing way, was chocolate!  That egg was solid chocolate…or solid gold…depending upon how you look at it!  So when i saw these cupcakes…imagine my delight.  Cake…in an egg.  Just plain awesome!

Or how about this happy little face shining up at you?!  Listen, I’m still not sure what the bunny has to do with Jesus’ Resurrection, but I think once I heard it’s some pagan nod to fertility or something.  Whatever irrelevance it has with the holiday is beyond me, but I’m not gonna stress about the bunny and why he matters.  He really doesn’t…but still, it’d be SO FUN to make this!  I mean, if I were staying at the Hilton Doubletree (which is where this picture originated) and they brought this to my kids on Easter morning, I can’t say with certainty that I wouldn’t ask for them to take my plain short stack back and amp it up a little…bring me back a bunny face too!

 

 

Or look what else I found. It’s no bunny…but still, a toasty brown bear is pretty stinking adorable!

I also had great intentions to let my kids paint some old frames and pop this awesome printable into them.  If you check out Willow of Wonder, she’s made this free printable available in other colors.

Pretty great huh?  I had plans to decorate my Easter table around them with some other flowers and random knick knacks.  Check out this cutie little floral arrangement I happened upon!  The site this is from was what appears to be a pretty phenomenally beautiful wedding. I wish I could have gone to it, but alas, I have no idea who Adrienne and Daniel are.  I think we’d be friends though.

Photo Credit...Adrienne and Daniel's awesome looking wedding

This year, it looks like the reality of 2 folders of tax documents sitting in the middle of the dining room table will take center stage after all.  In 2013 though, I will have our Easter Egg Hunt again, and do a fabulous tablescape.   I will make cupcakes in egg shells with my kids, and bunny pancakes several times! For now, all dreaming aside, I must deal with reality, which isn’t nearly so pretty and cheery.  Even superman had cryptonite…we just can’t do everything all the time!  But if I could…wouldn’t all of these things be so much fun?!

Wish I could hug all of your necks!  Please pray for me today as I do have to go through another D&C around lunchtime.  Thanks friends!  Get out and do something fun today…for your kids…for you…for me!

 

Detour…

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I know I’m on a long road to recovery right now, but seems that I’m in for a bit of a do-over…a detour.

To spare you the gory details, the short story is that my body hasn’t exactly cooperated since my D&C.  I now have a uterine infection, and I have to go in for another D&C tomorrow.  To say “this sucks” is sort of the understatement of the day…or week…or maybe even so far this year.

You think you’re headed one way…hopefully this time back in the right direction…but then, you realize this road isn’t actually what you were thinking.  Re-route.

And while this do-over alone is really just straight-up crappy, I thought I’d share a few additionally crappy things.  Not just to bitch and moan about it, but because I think it’s maybe helpful to know that even though for most of you this will all be over as soon as I stop writing about it (and realistically long before that,) there are things about a loss that creep into other parts of life that you just don’t think about til you walk it.  In an effort to a) be honest about where I am right now, and b) clue people in who really truly want to know how to help…here are a few more thoughts.

Look out…I’m about to go stream of consciousness on you again.

First off, we may not be able to afford the family vacation to Montana this summer that we’d taken off of the calendar because I was gonna be too pregnant, put back on the calendar when we lost Fisher, and now may have to take off again.  Two rounds of anesthesia and 2 rounds of the same awful procedure and hours in the hospital are going to put a dent in our wallet.  Go figure…they actually want you to pay for this stuff?!  And while I’m telling you how bad that stinks, I’m gonna risk really pissing a few people off by saying that I think it sucks that my tax dollars have to go to fund someone’s chosen abortion, but my own same tax dollars don’t cover the SAME FREAKING PROCEDURE that I have to do out of medical necessity.  Instead, we just have to sacrifice our family vacation this summer, and that bites.  This is NOT how I planned my parenthood people!

And because some of you are too sweet to publically ask or have had to google the procedure (and several have emailed to ask) what a D&C is, here’s a bit of an explanation.  The procedure that I actually had last Tuesday is called a D&E…dilation and evacuation.  It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like.  The wikipedia link even says that it’s the “2nd trimester method of abortion”, which is especially awful for this pro-lifer who wanted both of my children who have been subjected to this procedure.

It’s NOT the way that God designed for my baby to come out of my body.  It feels disrespectful and harsh, and while I know for myself and many others, it’s medically necessary, it’s still a really hard procedure to reconcile doing to someone I love.  And while I’m being honest, I just want to say to all of the people out there who in the name of “pro-life” stand on the street corner holding signs with graphic images of “this is what your aborted baby looks like”…you hurt people who would never choose this procedure with your heartless imagery.  And for friends of mine who have had abortions and were wrecked by them and it’s a part of their beautiful redemptive stories now too… you hurt them too.  What you’re holding up is awful.  Have you ever thought of that?!  And by the way…the next time I see one of you holding one of those…I’m stopping my car and I’m grabbing your stupid evil-looking sign, and I’m gonna tell you how mean you’re being.  Rethink it. That’s what I have to say about that.

And just so you know, tomorrow I’m actually having a D&C…dilation and curettage which is different.  More people know what a D&C is though (which is why I originally used that terminology) because it’s a more commonly done procedure than the D&E which is what I had to do first go round.  I hope that helps in case you were wondering.

And here are a few other things that are hard.

I read one time that when a person is grieving, people shower you with love and cards and sympathies for about 2 weeks.  A few super-sympathetic stragglers and close friends will still ask how you’re doing in the 3-6 week span.  But by 6 weeks, your pain has all but been forgotten by the rest of the world.

It’s true.  It’s not a judgement…I know I do it too.  We don’t mean to, but life gets busy and time passes and we often forget to ask “I know this was the first Christmas without your mom, how are you doing?” or “It’s labor day weekend, Fisher was suppossed to be born this weekend…are you ok?”  or “It’s mother’s day and you’ve been trying to get pregnant for 3 years…how can I love on you today?”  Truth is…we forget.  And for those feeling forgotten…it is just hard.  Our lives are forever altered…and noone seems to notice.

I can’t even try to get pregnant again for 3 months after this procedure.  Add a miracle of immediate conception to that and a 9 month gestational period, and I’m still not even having another baby for at least a year.  Months after when I thought I’d be holding a little one.  I’m almost 34…and while in the whole grand scheme, that’s young…I’ve been pregnant 6 times and have 2 kids here with me.  I want one more baby, and then I want to take my body off of this yo-yo physically exhausting train known as pregnancy.  I’m fat, I’m skinny, I fatten up again, I lose a baby and have to work it off, I’m fat again…then I have a baby and I’m still fatter than I want to be for 4 months (ok…let’s be honest…for a year or more.)  My hormones are up and down and all-a-freaking-round and I’m ready to be done.  My family isn’t finished, and while we’ve always wanted to adopt and eventually probably will…I want to KNOW when I’m nursing my last baby.  I want to know the way it feels for them to practically break your rib when they kick so hard in utero again…I want to know when I’m done and celebrate each tiny last moment.

It’ll be hard at the next baby dedication at church.  It was hard in the OB office today where I could hear a baby’s heartbeat on the doppler from out in the hall.  It’ll be hard when some of my friends have babies at the same time I was supposed to have Fisher.  I’ll still be wholeheartedly happy and thrilled for them, but going to their baby showers will be hard.

I saw a friend’s 20 wk 3-D ultrasound picture yesterday on her facebook…and I cried.  I want one of those.  I was supposed to have one of those.

I was supposed to be on a fun trip with my kids this week…traveling to DC and Pennsylvania, and then to New Jersey to see my sister and new baby nephew.  We were going to visit friends along the way, and see the monuments in DC that my 5-year-old learned about in school.  My kids were going to meet their cousin for the first time.  And then when that got all messed up and we lost a son and my boys lost a brother, we changed our plans.  Detour…let’s still make spring break this week not suck.  Let’s go a couple of hours away and visit my parents and our friends who will be in town from Montana for a few days.  Let’s have a couple of friends over here for Easter Sunday lunch and have a mini-party because I love to host things and it’ll feel more normal and Easter is the best reason of all to have a party!  Let’s get to feeling better because Monday is my sweet husband’s birthday.  Let’s pick out the good things coming up and focus on those.

I’m trying here.  I really am.  It’s that stupid game of 2 steps forward and one step back.  It’s maddening and unfair and f@#&ed up.  This isn’t the way it was supposed to be!  Not just for me….for humanity….for all of you…all of us. UGH!

I am the devotion writer for Allume, a christian women’s conference and community, and I tell you what…it’s been hard to write devotions lately!  But I have to be honest and say, that in all of this mess…the Lord is showing me SO much.  And because I started writing about it with you all here, and because I need to come up with something spiritually profound to say every Monday, the Lord has been forcing the issue of my processing.  I’m seeing more at a rate that seems faster than normal.  I’m digging deeper than I ever have before.   And it’s been hard, but it’s been SO good too.  So I’ve been processing more of the raw here…because it’s my space to do that….but the Lord has given me some seriously good nuggets that I’ve posted over at Allume the past couple of weeks.  HERE is the link to those if you’re curious.

And also…don’t worry that this space is going to become a long-standing, grief and healing driven space.  It’s not.  That’s not me…to muse about the same junk for ages on end until you and I are both sick of my own life!  With all this time in bed, I’ve been having a blast on Pinterest.  So if you want to know that my creative juices are still flowing, and the entertainer in me is still there…pop over and follow me for fun in that place.  Pinterest is oozing with life!  I’m pinning recipes and crafts and home decor that I’m itching to implement as soon as I start to feel better.  The really fun, crazy, crafty, silly me is still here….she’s just scratching through this mess to get back into the sunshine to keep LIVING!

So much love and gratitude to all of you for reading, listening, and encouraging.  You all rock…seriously.  You are full of awesome!

photo credit

Raw…Life Unedited

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I think I’ve crossed over into some realm of really truly being a blogger….because right now I need to be raw and write, and I need you to read it.  Somehow, someday, all I about to say will make sense….but right now it doesn’t.

Today I found out at my 16 week ultrasound that our baby, Fisher, died a couple of weeks ago.

And you know what I’m thinking this time?  It’s not profound like with the last one.  It’s really more like…

What the hell?!

This is my 4th….FOURTH baby to lose.  And it’s the second one that’s made it through the first trimester.  Our first one was 11 wks 6 days, our second was 6 weeks, the third was probably 4-5 weeks, and this one measured 15 wks.  I have to have another D & C too.

And you know how I feel right now?  Pissed.  Seriously God….what is up with that?

So if you’ll all indulge me…here are the things I want to say to God right now.

Really?!  Seriously?!  We’re here again?  I mean, I know you’re good…I know it….but what the hell?!  Honestly…I don’t know how it was that after 3 previous losses I never worried this time.  How,  after we found out on Christmas day when I heard you whisper to me “Get up and take a pregnancy test,”  and how you told me this baby would be a “fisher of men” and said to name him Fisher….HOW did this happen?  WHY did you LET this happen again?

Have I not proven myself faithful enough having walked through 3 others gracefully?!  Has my faith to not worry any of these subsequent pregnancies not been enough?  Has the ministry and heart I have had for women ever since I lost the first one not been profound enough?  Do we really have to go to this sucky well again?  Do I really have to have a D & C again?  Isn’t there a different thing you can work to redeem in my life?!  Do we have to keep redeeming the same awfulness?

And when I had to tell my son tonight…the wails God….the loss of a brother.  He felt it all.  He knew what it meant and he asked “why did this happen?”  And all i could say was “I don’t understand either.”  Because you know what God….I don’t.  And I’m angry.

I know you’re the giver of good gifts…and I have 2 of those good gifts sleeping just down the hall…but you have 4 others of mine there with you.  I know this world isn’t anything when they can have heaven…but can we stop with the tease of life to come?!  I know these lives are yours to begin with…but if you’re gonna give life…then intervene for it why don’t you?!  You didn’t do this…I know you didn’t because you don’t kill…the enemy does….but you allowed it, and I don’t understand that.

And you know what else…my f***ing clothes don’t fit either.  And I puked my brains out for 6 weeks.  And now my closet is full of maternity clothes I don’t get to wear…and now I have to go back through all of those bins that I just put away and give my friend, Melissa, all of her cute clothes back because this belly isn’t going to swell with life this summer afterall.  So now I’m fat and for nothing.  FOR NOTHING!

What are you doing here God?  I know there’s shelter under your wing…but is there a freaking leak between your feathers or something, because it’s raining on me Lord….it’s raining.  I know you’re good…and i know you’re faithful…and i know you’re trustworthy….but you know what, I don’t want to have a cup of coffee with you right now.  I want to drop kick you in the face God.  I don’t want to dine at your table, or sit in your shade….because to me right now…there’s a hole in your umbrella and I’m baking here….baking.

And you know what else…life today…it’s not like dessert.  It’s like someone took a big fat dump in my cornflakes…and I have to eat every last bite of it.  And it tastes awful.

Lord….I know your ways are higher…and I won’t understand this til I’m in heaven sitting at your feet and holding all of these babies myself….but you know what…for now, I just don’t get it.  I’m angry, and I’m broken, and I’m using incorrect punctuation because I don’t even give a crap.  i just need to say what I need to say and not edit.  This is life…unedited.

So friends, here’s what you need to know about me right now. I’m raw. And I’m broken.  And I don’t have any good answer, nor am I asking you to come up with one either.  So please don’t say things like “this may be better, because what if something was wrong with it?”  Or don’t say “He never gives you more than you can handle.”  Or don’t tell me about how maybe if I hadn’t lost this one that I might not have had the chance to meet a next one.  Because for all we really know, the Lord could be sending us the same kid over and over again and the enemy is afraid because it’s heavenly destiny is so huge he can’t stand the thought of it making it here.

I said to my friend Sarah Mae today that I don’t know why the Lord would tell me this baby would be a “fisher of men” if he’d never be alive to meet any and her wise and comforting words were that Fisher can still touch people even if he’s not here.  He’s a part of me and our family…and somehow I ask the Lord to use this, to use him, to use our family and me to fulfill the destiny that he won’t live out here on earth.

And in the midst of my tears and anger and cuss-fest….I have to believe that that’s just what He’ll do.

 

Elusive Love….Elusive Opportunity.

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I know I said I’m taking a blogging break…and really I am, but there’s a story about something that happened to me yesterday that kept me awake last night and I really want to share it with you.  Most experienced bloggers would tell me to break this into multiple posts to get you coming back more, but the truth of the matter is that I want you to know this story all at once….I don’t want you to miss the point, or to miss a chance to ask your hearts to open up and share too.

As I was on my way home yesterday from the ophthalmology office where I’ve been working on the interior design and decor for their new building, something happened that I can’t quite figure out how to process.

I drove towards home, my mind racing and happily bouncing from fabrics and textures to artwork and lighting.  The heavier lunchtime traffic was to be expected and the slowed pace allowed my thoughts to wander a little more.  As the traffic crawled, I began to notice a number of sad looking people meandering along the road through a depressed area…walking aimlessly…seeming to live the same way.

Two cars ahead of me, the driver stopped to let someone cross the busy street.

His head hung low, surveying the ground, not the cars full of people in front of him.  His pants were too big and draped loosely from his thin frame.  A tattered red plaid shirt hung open, revealing a heavily stained t-shirt below.  His hair hadn’t been cut in years or combed in what must have been days.  Shoulders drooping, he carried an 18 pack of cheap beer slowly across the street at 12:30.  He had an open can in his other hand.

The beauty of fabrics and textures was interrupted by the crash of reality and the harshness of life.  And my heart felt sad.

His face lifted and eyes looked up as he began to cross 3 lanes of traffic, and it was then I realized that I knew this man.

I glanced at the clock to see how much time I had before my babysitter had to leave…15 minutes, and I was 20 minutes away.  My foot pumped the breaks…everything in me wanting to swing my car in a violent U-turn to go talk to him.  The light changed and my car moved forward towards home… my heart breaking into a million pieces as I realized that the boy I once knew who never had a chance, never got one.

Twelve years ago when I graduated college, I spent the better part of a year cooking in a lovely restaurant in downtown Greenville.  I learned so much and loved my time there.  The restaurant industry with its late night hours and fast pace often draws a different crowd of people than I was used to growing up.  I was a lot different from most of them, but that didn’t matter….we’re all people, and they became my friends.

He became my friend….and I became his too.  The first real friend he’d had in a very, very long time.  He told me so.

His friends all had impure motives that they made no real effort to hide….mostly to sell drugs to him or bum them from him.  They were people caught up in the same destructive cycles…noone really knowing how to get out because most of them didn’t know how they’d gotten there in the first place.  I was the first person he could remember who hadn’t wanted either of those things.

He ran away from home when he was 16 because he had abusive and angry parents.  Somewhere along the way, he’d gotten a job in a kitchen and over time worked his way up.  He had a great sense of the flow of the kitchen and the blending of ingredients.  He was creative in combinations but patient enough to allow flavors to blend in perfect harmony.  He had a gift, but noone….NOONE had ever encouraged that….encouraged him.  He cooked because he was good at it…and it paid the bills…and bought the few other things he wanted.  He never had high hopes for himself…he’d always been told he wouldn’t amount to anything.  He was the person in my life at the time who I knew the Lord put in my life to encourage…to really care about, and to point a lifetime of broken words spoken and hopes dreamed towards the One who could redeem it all.

And honestly, throughout our friendship, he began to change.  He stopped the heavy drugs, he shied away from the people who made him feel used, and his creativity in the kitchen began to flourish.  He was on time for work, was sober when he arrived, and I began to see a softness in his heart.  He finally began to allow himself the opportunity to dream of a better life…one where eventually he might even be able to buy a car.

My season at the restaurant sadly came to an end after some nudging from my parents to find a different kind of job.  I was sad to go, and the only thing I didn’t miss about it for months was the fact that I didn’t smell like garlic all the time anymore.  B and I kept in touch for a while, but by then I was working 60 hours a week selling radio advertising during the days, and he was still at the restaurant pulling the dinner shift until late into the night.  And as with any life changes, you see friendships change too.  I saw less and less of him… until before I knew it, it was 2 years before I saw him again.

I was running some errands and he was wandering around downtown.  I bumped into him and said hello.  I gave him a hug and was immediately hit by a wave of alcohol on his breath.  It was the middle of the day and he needed a ride home.  Someone had stolen his bike a few months before, and he never had been able to buy that car he’d hoped for.  We chatted a little bit and then I drove him to a place that made me cry when I left.  It was one side of a dilapidated duplex…right across the street from the place I saw the long-haired, older version of him walking from yesterday.

And I’m left with no frame of reference for this.  I sat in my car and numbly moved forward yesterday…2 carseats in the back and the reality of another one to come in the fall, a husband who loves me, a home that’s beautiful, privilege that I so often take for granted…and my mind stuck on the boy I once befriended who never knew love or opportunity….and seems to still be eluded by both.

Some part of me wants to take my husband and go back to find him.  To “rescue” him.  To care and to point to something better…to encourage him and to help.  I honestly don’t know what to do.  But doing nothing isn’t something that I think I can live with.  What though, does doing “something” look like?  To tell you the truth…I just don’t know.  I just don’t know.

So friends, I find myself wondering how Jesus would handle this, and I ask in earnest….What would you do?

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ 41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me. 44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’  45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ – Matthew 25:34-45

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When I Grow Up, I Want To Be….

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The other night I was humming in the shower when I had the thought that I’ve had a gazillion times…

I REALLY wish I could sing.

Like… for real sing. As it is, I fall in the “make a joyful noise” category of singers, but I sure wish I could belt it.  The kind of singing that gives people cold chills.

Image Source

My friend Donna can sing like that.  And, just because I can’t sing myself doesn’t mean I don’t know a real singer when I hear one.  Donna has pipes like Kelly Clarkson (who’s voice I LOVE)…with that awesome grittiness, yet soft and beautiful strength in her voice.  I wish I had somehow recorded her singing at church a couple of weeks ago….repeating the words “There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain…break every chain….break every chain.”  I’m not kidding you…her voice released the spirit of a Living God breaking chains all over that room.  It was…one of those moments.

And I wish I could sing like that.

So as I was thinking about that, I started thinking of all the other things I find myself wishing I did too.  Not in a dissatisfied-with-my-life sort of way, but the way you feel when you watch a movie like “Step Up” and you SOOO wish you could break it down and dance like that. (And yes…I’ve watched all of those teeny bopper dance movies….and tried to practice dancing awesomeness afterwards in front of the mirror.  My renditions fall somewhere in the same category kind of category that my singing does.)

So here are a few things that my alter-ego self would do and be.  And I’m TOTALLY curious what you picture yourself doing too…so leave a comment at the end and do share.  We all have these things I’m sure…so here I go with some of mine.

As already stated, I wish I could sing….awesomely.

image source

I also wish I could dance. (I can swing dance a little, but I also have a secret desire to dance like on those street dancing movies…Step Up and the likes.  I also imagine myself as a really phenomenal ballroom dancer.  Like on Dancing with the Stars.  I basically wish I could cut a rug any way I wanted.)

In my alternate self, I would be a biker chick.  I’d not be violent or predisposed to wearing things like chaps and pasties (which I’ve TOTALLY seen at the Sturgis, SD motorcycle rally before.)  But I do love the wind-in-your-hair freedom of being on a motorcycle.  And there’s something about the grittiness of biker people that I find oddly appealing.  Alas, since I’ve had children, I find myself much more aware of the dangers…and while I’ve done it before, I’d not be caught on a motorcycle pretty much ever again without a helmet.

image via Harley Davidson

vintage cowgirl poster source

I have always kinda wanted to be a cowgirl too.  Riding horses in the wide open with views of glacial mountain ranges.  I would definitely be sporting chaps for that dream though.  And wearing my amazing boots.  In fact, if I were a cowgirl, I think I’d have lots of pairs of amazing boots.  And if I were a cowgirl, my Hubs would wear wranglers…even though I actually don’t think they do a thing for even the cutest butt.

Or a fashion designer.  I think that’d be neat too.  I have a creative eye, but to have that sort of vision.  Love that!

Or a motivational speaker.  I love those people!  That make you want to get up out of your chair and do something more, be something better, live life fuller and more meaningful.  Yes….that’d be amazing too.

A professional chef.  I’ve cooked in restaurants before, but that’s not the same thing.  I wish I was a chef that was dominating the creative food scene…winning James Beard awards and becoming an Iron Chef.  I just see those things and well…let’s be honest, I really just want to break out a fork and eat.

I love being me.  Truly, I do.  But… it would be a blast to be me with some of these other things too huh?!  Can you see it…a singing, breakdancing, biker chick in a 10 gallon hat, singing a motivational song to change people’s lives?!

Yeah…I’m not so sure that I envision that well either.  But it’d be fun.

How about you?  Any secret wishes you have?  Do tell!!!

Would You Rather?…..

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You know that game people play…”Would you rather” this or that?  Well I’ve been playing that game with myself the past several days.  And it’s gotten pretty rough…the scenarios I have come up with in the “I would rather _____ than _____” realm.

Image from Zobmondo.com

We have this totally hilarious game called Zobmondo.  I got it years ago and it’s an entire game of “would you rathers.”  I’m really not even sure how to actually play the game, because in a group of people it’s mostly just hilarious to start reading them out and making people answer.  And you HAVE to choose one or the other.  There’s no opting out or creating your own scenario.  You pick an answer and then it’s really best to defend your reasoning…mostly because it’s more hilarious that way.

The past few days I’ve been SOOOO sick.  First the actual stomach bug had me hugging the toilet (the one in kids bathroom down the hall since our septic tank is still acting up and our master bath toilet doesn’t work at all.)  Then, after one day of fresh air and life feeling like it was back to normal, WHAM!!!….morning sickness like I have NEVER known it.  I spent the greater part of church yesterday in the ladies room with my head hovering over the can in stall #3.  It was horrendous.  I threw up more yesterday than I ever did in all of my previous pregnancies combined….8 times people. EIGHT TIMES!

My husband said to me as I was crying and puking yesterday…”Babe, I’m SO sorry.  I know you’d rather poop Christmas trees three times a day than have to throw up.”

And you know what…that actually sounds better to me….pooping Christmas trees.  There are very few things that I hate more than throwing up.

I would rather get a tattoo than throw up.

I would rather do laundry than throw up.

I would rather have a c-section than throw up.

I would rather a LOT of things than throw up.  It’s just one of the worst things ever.  But all of this “would you rather” playing in my head made me think of a few really funny ones from that game and I thought I’d share in case you need a good laugh this Monday.  (Make yourself choose an answer to really have a laugh to yourself.)  Here goes…

Would you rather…always have to eat the same food OR never be able to eat the same food twice?

Would you rather…drink a gallon of lard OR eat a bucket full of toenails?

Would you rather…have an affliction that causes you to have bowel movements on your living room floor while sleepwalking OR that causes you to pee on a total stranger twice a year?

Would you rather….find a dead fly in your salad OR a long thick hair in your ice cream?  (Ok, and as an aside to this one, years ago when I worked in a restaurant as a cook, I somehow served a lady a salad with a GIANT grub worm in it!  The restaurant got mixed greens in huge bags that had been prewashed and sorted, just like you get at the grocery store, and I guess this little bugger made it through all the processes. And yes…it was still ALIVE!  I was mortified, but surely not so much as she was when she found it at the end of her meal! AWFUL!)

And here’s the one that anyone who’s ever played agrees is really the most horrible, but really terribly funny as well….

Would you rather….spend your life with a penis on your forehead OR a scrotum on your chin?!

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking I might rather throw up!

Give me a good reason to laugh friends….answer one of these for me in the comments?  Come on…it’ll be fun!

When the Right Thing Feels Like the Wrong Thing

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Some days, being a good parent makes you feel like an ass.

Today is one of those days.

One of those days where you find yourself in the place where you hoped with all of your might you wouldn’t find yourself in at all.  But you’re there…and you have to do the hard thing…because it’s what you said you’d do.

Image Source Ringling.com

You have to tell your 5 year old that he won’t be allowed to join the family to go to the circus… because he got in trouble at school… again.

We expect better from him.  His teacher expects better from him.  He’s VERY capable of being obedient and self controlled….it just seems he’s choosing not to be at school lately.  And I understand how my parents felt when they actually said the words “this hurts me more than it hurts you.”

It does.

I’m crying about it too.  I’m sad that we can’t do something all together that I’ve been looking forward to doing since we went 2 years ago after my littlest guy was first born.  I’m sad that he’ll probably remember this consequence forever…I have a few like this that I still remember from when I was a kid.  I guess at least we’re willing to pay for counseling when he needs it as an adult…it’s the least we can do to cover up our failures.  But I think this isn’t a failure…it’s the right thing to do…the hard thing…to keep our word so that he knows, no matter how many times we say it….we mean what we say and for better or worse, he can trust our word.

It’s important to be a person of your word.  Letting your “yes” be your “yes”…and your “no” be your “no.”  Even when it sucks.

And I have to hope and pray that somewhere in all of this, he learns integrity….that doing what we say is important and valuable.  That the way we behave does often change what we have the opportunity to do.  And that often in life…so often in life…we don’t get second chances.

But for today…I’m sad and I feel like an ass…even if I know that the reason I feel like an ass is the right thing to do.

So….anyone else?  What’s the hardest right decision you’ve had to make that leaves you feeling awful?  Comment below and help a girl feel a little less awful?

The Sad Clown by Aiden Ivanov

 

PS.  The winner from the Stampin’ Up Valentine’s Giveaway is…

entry #5 Laura Pieratt

Laura, you have 48 hours to email me at Logan at LifeForDessert dot com with your address and email address to claim your prize and I’ll let Beth know where to send the gift pack!  Congratulations and thanks for entering!

 

Make Awesome Valentine Cards…Guest Post

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I have a treat for you guys today.  You all know I love a good craft project and I have a few friends who dominate in some specific crafting areas.  My friend Beth from college is one such gal.  She is a phenomenal card maker and stamper.  And with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I asked Beth to share a little expertise and some fun ideas for making your own Valentines Day cards.  She’s even offering a giveaway today with some items she’s used to create these amazing Valentines, and later on she’s going to give us an even more in depth tutorial on how to make a couple of these things.  So give a happy welcome to my friend Beth, from Southern Inkerbelles:

Well, let me start off saying , “AAAHHHHH! This is my first post as a guest blogger!”  Thanks so much to my sweet KD sorority sister, Logan, for inviting me to share a little about what I do.  I am not a smooth writer like Logan, but I can do some damage with paper, stamps and ink 🙂

I am the author of a little blog called Southern Inkerbelles.  I typically speak to a more focused group of people daily than Logan does.  You guys get it all with “Life for Dessert!  We have an obsession with paper, ink and rubber stamps headed up by a company called Stampin’ Up!  I have been a demonstrator for almost 8 years and I am thrilled to be sharing what I love with you today.

Because I am talking to many different levels of crafters today, I am going to start out slow and then eventually get to the OOOOs and AAAHHHs at the end.

I’m focusing on one stamp set today.  Naturally in my line of work, we are all geared toward Valentine’s Day right now.  It’s one of the biggest days to send cards.  So, here are a few ideas for those of you who want to make something special for someone.  And, even a fun project for your kids.

Here is the stamp set that I will be using on all my projects.  It’s called Sweetheart.

Sweetheart - Clear Mount Stamp Set - by Stampin' Up!
Sweetheart ($15.95 for clear stamps and $21.95 for wood)

 

Here is my first project with this little ditty 🙂

This is about as basic as I can do 🙂  This is a 3×3 enclosure card.  I stamped on the white piece through an acrylic block and then used our large heart punch to get the red heart and adhered it to the middle.  The punch makes it SUPER easy, but you can always cut a heart out yourself using the standard scissors method.

Full Heart Punch - by Stampin' Up!
Full Heart punch $16.95

There is a secret to this stamp set.  Stampin’ Up! does a really good job at thinking outside the box.  We do so much more than just paper and stamps.  Anyway, SU! came out with a product called Sweet Treat Cups and look what they can do!

If you blinked, I just went 3D on you! This little treat is perfect for kids because there is an interactive aspect to this card.  With this technique, you can pull the sliding trap door and the candy will fall out.  If you don’t do the trap door, you would have to rip the card apart to get the candy.  For some that is ok.  You just have  to know your recipient.  To see a step by step tutorial for this project come back later this week and I’ll show you!

For those of you who love to make your kids’ Valentines for their class at school, this is for you.

Run, don’t walk, as fast as you can to your nearest craft store and get some lollipop sticks and slap it on the back of this baby!  SO FUN!

Now, to take it a step further, actually quite a few steps further, here is a card I have made using the sweet treat cups.

This is a project for the serious crafter.  It takes several tools to create this, but I am hoping that some of you would be up to the challenge.  This is no ordinary card.  Wait for it….wait for it…

This is what we call an easel card.  I love the 3 M&Ms holding it up.  A card like this should not lie flat or even hang on a fridge!  I’m going mantle! 🙂  If this card has you over the moon, head on over to Southern Inkerbelles on Friday this week for a more in depth tutorial.

I know you are asking how in the world you could mail a card like this.  You would need to use a bubble mailer like the ones we sell here.

Sweet Treat Padded Envelopes - by Stampin' Up!
Padded Envelopes 3 for $2.95
Sweetheart Treat Cup - by Stampin' Up!
Sweet Treat Cups 12 for $2.95

Thank so much to Logan for having me today!  I hope you will take to time to check out Stampin’ Up!  You might find just what you need to get back into paper crafting.  One thing I am hoping from my customers this year is they have resolved to do more for themselves.  That means, dusting off cobwebs and gettin’ inky!

For those of you who made it through this whole post, please leave a comment.  We will have a prize drawing to receive some of the products I have shared with you today!

For those of you who aren’t into paper as much, I am sending Logan a set of our Sweet Press Cookie Stamps.  Did you know you could stamp on dough?  Be looking for this from Life for Dessert soon.

Occasions Sweet Pressed Cookie Stamps

Inky Hugs.

Beth Crocker

Thanks to Beth for stopping by today!  I had a fit over the sweet treat cups myself and am ordering some to make those awesome lollipops for Tid Bit’s class for Valentine’s day!  Beth is going to come back later this week to show us how to make the trap door to open the sweet treat cups on cards and lollipop sticks.  And since she’s awesome, she’s going to give away 2 packages of the sweet treat cups and 1 Sweetheart Stamp Set (that was featured to make the cards) to one lucky winner!

Here’s how to enter to win (this giveaway is open to US residents only and will end at 9am this Friday, January 20th ):

Mandatory Entry: Like Southern Inkerbelles on facebook (and make sure to check out the Southern Inkerbelles blog for some more serious inspiration!)

  • For extra entries leave separate comments detailing each action:  You can earn 1 extra entry for each action taken, for a total of FOUR extra entries…1)Subscribe to receive the Life For Dessert feed (it’s in the sidebar on the top right.)  2) Like Life for Dessert on Facebook 3) Share this link on your own Facebook wall, 4) Tweet this link to all of your followers.

Bubbles

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My friend Beth, at Home Stories A to Z, wrote a great post on the word “Bubbles” the other day…how she’s chosen it as her word of the year.  She said lots of neat things about bubbles and the ideas they bring to mind.

via Pinterest

And I just had to share with you about the bubble I saw today that made me cry.  Just a tiny little blip of a bubble on a fuzzy looking black and white screen….but in that bubble, there is life.

Yep friends….I’m preggers!  Almost 6 weeks.

We found out on Christmas day…what a fun present!

I was lying in the bed that afternoon reading, and all of a sudden out of nowhere I felt like I heard the Lord say “Merry Christmas!  Now get up a take a pregnancy test!”  Maybe you think that’s nuts…that’s fine…it kinda was, but after a miscarriage in November, I can honestly say that I wasn’t exactly expecting pregnancy so soon afterwards.  I really wasn’t thinking about it.

I looked all over trying to find a test and didn’t even know the date of my last cycle without consulting my calender first.  I finally found a random test that a friend gave me when I decorated her nursery recently.  It was day 25 and really sort of a fat chance of telling really early….but I’ve found out early with all of my other pregnancies, so I took it…even though it was early, and even though it was 4pm (when you’re suppossed to take those things right when you wake up in the morning.)

It took forever….so long in fact, that I crawled back in bed to keep reading.  After awhile I leaned over just to check it…not thinking much about it until I saw this….

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

WOW!  SERIOUSLY?!  What a fun Christmas present!

I’ve been waiting to write about it until after my first appointment which was today.  Everything looks good and we couldn’t be more excited!  Looks like I’m gonna be sweating my tootsie off this summer in SC with a due date at the beginning of September, but I’ll take it!

Would appreciate your prayers for a safe pregnancy for me and excellent health for Bubbles!  Yep….calling this baby Bubbles….for now anyhow.  It’s a bit too much for a real name, but seems like a fun one until we know if it’s a he or she and give a real name.  I’m thinking Bubbles might just be this baby’s blog name too though….so get used to it friends!

Been excited to share the news!  Between my sister’s baby shower last weekend in New Jersey, and my super tired self manufacturing new life here lately…I’ve been slack on the blogging front!  We’ll get back there eventually though!  Hang in there with me!