Insomnia…

It’s 4:25 in the morning and I’m sorry to say that I’ve been wide awake for the past 2 hours.  It’s the kind of awake where I know I’m so tired now that I have that sick feeling in the back of my throat…the headache starting somewhere behind my eyelids….but nothing.  Sleep will not come.

First I woke up to pee at 2:20am.  That’s how it usually starts you know…these random times where sleeplessness grabs hold of me….a simple 12 step walk to the bathroom.  And I can do it in the dark too…but for some reason, I flipped on a light this time.  Maybe that’s what did me in.

I waddled back to bed and snuggled down in the fresh sheets willing myself to fall back to sleep.  Maybe it was the willing myself that used enough brain power to wake me up completely.

Or maybe it was the dry patch on my right middle finger…cracking open with eczema…asking for lotion in the middle of the night that I didn’t want to get because I didn’t want the action to wake me up more.  But eventually I gave in, opened the drawer that always sticks and put the heavy cream on…I even put the moisture glove over it to really make the effects last so that I’d fall back to sleep in peace.  That glove needs to be washed again….all that cream is making it greasy.

Speaking of greasy…my hair is getting that way.  Note to self…wash it in the morning.  And while we’re thinking on morning here self…don’t forget to prepare more for the Bible study you’re leading at 9:30.  Yeah…the one you’re frustrated about because people keep dropping out of since they haven’t kept up with the homework.  I think I should wake the Hubs to pray with me about it…that frustration is keeping me awake now.  He prays with me…assures me it’s not me…it’s them.  Surely I’ll fall back asleep now.

That sweet Hubs of mine.  I really need to take his 18 volt cordless drill to that place all the way across town to drop it off to have it serviced.  Dang…I hate those kinds of errands…the ones where you’re in the car for ages just to drop something off….because then eventually you have to do it all over again to go back and pick up the thing you dropped off.  And speaking of dropping things off self, you really need to take your nice digital camera, the one that broke when you were in Montana this summer, to that camera shop in the next town over.  Yeah…the one that’ll take 45 minutes just to get there to drop it off.  Stinks that Nikon won’t fix it.  I didn’t know it was “gray” market when I bought it.  Another note to self…don’t ever buy a gray market camera on accident again.  Stupid, stupid.

Oh and self, while you’re making mental notes…you really need to get that evite out about the Lily Pottery show on the 29th.  And make sure you get together that blog post about her soon too….people need to know she makes amazing pottery jewelry…not mugs and vases.  Oh yeah….and self, that dry finger is getting really dry again….how about another lotion application since you’re already up?

Hmmm….this year I’m definitely having a Christmas party.  Yep…I’ve wanted to have one the past 2 years but haven’t wanted to step on anyone else’s toes who might be having one.  Well ya’ll…this year I’m having one.  Yep…it’s on my calendar too.  Hmmm though….big party or small one?  First thought…small.  Nope….big….it needs to be big.  With Christmas decorations everywhere, and people can dress nice, and have a night without their kids, and eat good food and have a glass of wine.  Yep….I want it to be big.  Oh…and that weekend you want to do it self, make sure to call Mom to see if they will have their Christmas weekend where they take the kids THAT weekend…the weekend of the party.

You know what self….why don’t you just flip the light on and write all this stuff down?  There are too many thoughts rolling around in there to let you go back to sleep….write it all down and then this sleepless problem will be solved.  Then you’ll be free of all this mind wandering and you’ll fall right back to sleep.  Good idea….I think I will.

Crud….It’s just 3:45…and I’m still awake.  Hmmm….try a new position…shift around a bit, fluff the pillow, rub your feet together.

“Babe….what’s going on?  Why are you up?” – the Hubs

“No idea…still thinking too much. Sorry. I’ll be still.”

Ok….so the shifting to get comfortable thing isn’t going to work.

I should really write a blog post about this in the morning.  Speaking of which I really should get up about 5:30 so that I have time for a good quiet time with the Lord, have time to think some more about this Bible study in the morning…oh yeah…don’t forget self, you HAVE to wash that greasy hair in the morning.  Man it’s greasy….seriously, go look in the mirror…and pee again while you’re at it, maybe there’s still some left in there and it’s the reason you can’t fall asleep.

Done and done.  Seriously, it’s 4:15…make some good notes self… about all these feelings you have when you can’t sleep so you can write about it in the morning when you wake up.  The sick to your stomachness, the whole thought of “should I even keep trying to go back to sleep if I’m just waking up in a little over an hour?”  Yes you crazy fool…you should go to sleep…because if not, then that means you have been awake…wide freaking awake since 2:20 and only asleep before that since 10.  You cannot function well on 4 hours of sleep…who are you kidding?!

Just get up self…write the post now.  Go sit on the bathroom floor so you don’t wake up the Hubs.  Man, I miss the days where I had a sitting room off of my bedroom….hmmm….I can ly here instead and imagine doing some cool renovations to this house one day.  Yes….the things I can imagine…if I just bump a wall out here….or wait…would I bump it out over there?  You know, if I was gonna bump out a wall there, then it’d make just as much sense to add another space right over there beyond it.  Logan…get a grip….this imaginating of home improvements is probably about $400 thousand dollars worth of real life money that you don’t have.  Oh yeah…good thought self…stop thinking about that and go back to sleep.

Ok…go back to sleep.  Sleep….sleep….sleep.  One sheep, two sheep, three sheep….seriously, does anyone ever fall asleep counting?  Forget this…it’s the pits.  You’re never gonna have the same stream of consciousness going on when you try to get up and remember it all to write it.  Just get up and write it now…and then maybe you’ll go back to sleep afterwards.

Ok self….It’s now 4:56 and i just did it.  I wrote the post.  Now can I go back to sleep?

Wait…it’s 4:56….I have to be up in just half an hour….do I even go back to bed or do I just recognize that I’ve been up since 2 freaking 20 in the morning?!

UGH!  Maybe I can squeeze in just 30 minutes….