We made it to Bangladesh. I traveled almost 40 hours to get here from Greenville, SC to Dhaka. I am very tired. Very. Tired.
From the moment we entered the gate of the Istanbul airport bound for this foreign land, it became very obvious that we’re not anywhere familiar anymore. The women were all wearing the Salwar Kameez, and the men certainly noticed that we weren’t.
I’ve only ever traveled to Western countries. And even in poorer places I’ve been, I guess something about it all has still made me feel myself. In Mexico a few years ago, I spent time in the rural mountains with people who lived in caves yet somehow, I still felt like me. The cultures I have been in are wildly friendly and accepting, and that suits my outgoing personality.
But I have to be honest, since being here, I feel completely outside of myself and any notion of a comfort zone.
We stick out like a sore thumb even when we’ve made efforts to wear our Salwar Kameez and cover up appropriately. People stare. I even made up a term when we arrived this morning…owl-necking. People staring so much that their heads literally turn farther than what seems possible just to keep looking at you. And it feels really weird to be a spectacle. (posing for a picture certainly didn’t help that spectacle-ness.)
We went on a walk around a lake near this part of town after a briefing on the culture and language today, and I spent the majority of it on the brink of tears.
I feel foreign to myself right now. I can’t seem to figure out what the balance is between the natural me and the culturally cognisant foreigner. I kinda fell to pieces when we got back to our rooms.
It feels foreign to be aware of just how foreign I actually am here.
Bangladesh is 85% Muslim, and in this culture, women don’t really engage people they don’t know. They are reserved and quiet until you know them well. The men do most all of the shopping, and so when our team ventured into a really fascinating market, it was even more obvious that we were out of place.
We were definitely the objects of staring and catcalls. I felt completely weird without any appropriate response beyond silence and ignoring some very un-ignorable behaviors. I feel so beyond myself that I don’t quite know how to behave here. It feels like nothing about this personality fits this place.
This culture of people is reserved and quiet. It’s not acceptable as a woman to be gregarious or touchy feely. That’s not who I am…and I don’t know who I’m supposed to be in this place where all that I am doesn’t quite fit.
I’ve been in plenty of different cultures before, but none like this at all. I’m so far out of my element that I can’t quite get my bearings. They told me it’s ok…that this is normal. But nothing about myself feels normal right now.
I guess sometimes an adventure can be an uncomfortable thing.
Sometimes going somewhere may mean that it takes even ourselves a bit to catch up.
Tomorrow we are going to a slum community where Food for the Hungry has been investing for several years. They just recently turned over the running of the school and programs there to the locals. I’m hoping that faces like these will put me at ease.
They just played the call to prayer. It’s beautiful. It echos through the entire city. And while it’s not the belief system that I’m a part of, or a culture that I understand or feel comfortable in right now, I know that there’s something about this place that the Lord will use to change me forever.
*any awesome photo here is from our amazing and talented humanitarian photographer, Esther Havens. Also, to read more stories from my new friends on our team, go HERE and you’ll have a list of each person and web address.
I’ve never traveled like that for missions, or anything really. I can’t say I know how you feel but I do feel you. I can feel your angst and unease on the screen. Will be praying for you and your team.
Sweet friend, how He is using you!! That He would allow you to get a glimpse of how He must have felt when he was here…out of place, in skin (instead of unlimited-ness!!), and how they must have stared at what He said. Remembering you that you will see everyone through His eyes and as He did….with compassion. It IS hard to be gregarious in a reserved country. He will use you and you will find your niche :). LY
I cannot tell you Kristi how that thought encourages my perspective. Truly, thank you.
I tried to post last night before I left for work and now I see that it did not take.
Thank you for bringing us along on your adventure, friend, and for your willingness to be vulnerable in a whole new way.
Praying that you see Jesus in those faces today, and that those little people are able to see Him in you.
Thank you sweet friend!That is exactly how I plan to try to view today.
Journeying with you via the blog and thinking the scope of your ability to understand others has already grown in ways you can’t imagine. <3
Thank you Carol Anne!
Hey babe, I am proud of you for doing this. Always remember that while the earthly culture around you may be different and even uncomfortable, you are a member of an unalterable Kingdom and you carry that Kingdom with you at all times as an empowered Ambassador with all that entails. You might ‘feel’ disconnected, but that is never truly the case. You are over there for a purpose, and I bless you with the peace of spirit and courage to operate in that purpose. Rest in Papa at all times, and be assured that He will fulfill everything in and through you during this trip and whatever follows. Love you.
I love you honey. You always have the right words…
To be in such a place changes us. Every response, every action you get to choose new. In the choosing you learn and you grow. I know you will do well.
Thanks so much Mark. It’s definitely true that every little thing here is totally new!
I believe God is giving you a rare look into how hard it was/is to do his will when we are here on Earth. Living for God is not the most comfortable and easiest thing to do, but God gives us strength and all that we need. His love always surrounds us. Know you are walking with God. Bless you all on your travels. May his peace surround you all on this journey.
Thank you so much Tami. Another friend mentioned this idea as well, and I have to say, it does quite a bit to encourage my perspective as we begin another day here.
I’m afraid that I don’t have anything terribly wise or profound to share, but I am praying for you often throughout the days. For some reason the Lord has brought you to my mind many times, and whenever He does I say a quick prayer for you, dear. Rest in Him.
you are such a dear soul Diane! thank you for your faithful prayer!
Dear Logan,
Praying for you, friend as you embrace this journey. I can’t help but think how I get so comfortable here (earth) even though I’m told time and time again that this is not my home. Heck, I even start acting like here, but friend, your writing today reminds me that I’m not to feel like I belong. People should be owl-necking and I can only hope that maybe some small part of my life, actions, or decisions can lead them to do that. Hugs and prayers.
I love that Kristina….yes!
I imagine this experience will give you a new sense of compassion {beyond the intense love already in your personality} for people visiting the U.S. after you arrive home! And by the way, you look gorgeous in your Salwar Kameez!!! Please tell me you get to bring that ensemble home??
I do get to bring it home!!! 🙂
As you know (I think), my family and I lived in Turkey for three years, and I can say from experience that everything you’re feeling is NORMAL. The discomfort is real, and while it’s foreign to your mind and body, it’s very familiar to your Father. Admit to Him your weird feelings… He knows. 🙂
Our apartment was surrounded by three minarets, so we heard the call to prayer from our living room 15 times a day. It IS beautiful. 🙂 Praying for you and your time there…
Bless you, dear Logan. I can’t imagine how different this must be for you, but think about how God is going to use it to change you now and your family in the very near future. Praying for you!
And if you happen to see my very serious little Bangladeshi Compassion girl, would you love on her for me and encourage her to smile. Thanks so much! (of course, that would be only a God thing for you to meet up with her, but my God is into really big things!)
Jamie, I’m not sure if I have or will see your Bangladeshi sponsored child, but please know that one of my favorite things has been loving on the children. I’m changing already.
Logan – this is such a powerful post. As I read your words, memories flooded back of when I stepped off the plane in Dhaka 16 years ago. I had much the same experience. It was exhausting to be so “foreign” (as you put it)…and to feel so much oppression, especially toward women in that culture.
I pray that God will keep you safe and direct your steps in the next week.
Thanks for sharing your story.
those are very encouraging words! thank you Stephanie…really, thank you.
Hey Logan. It’s great to read about all God is doing on this trip. I am praying for you! I know that feeling of being almost foreign to yourself; it can be so disorienting. But, I can see from your most recent posts all that He is doing and how you are ministering. You are a blessing. May the Lord fully bless you through the rest of your time!