My dear, dear friend brought me this figurine yesterday. It’s beautiful isn’t it? More beautiful is that she’s had it for several years because a friend gave it to her after she’d lost her first baby. She shared with me yesterday that the Lord told her, as soon as I called her Wednesday with our news, that she was to pass this on to me.
This morning when I woke up and turned the lamp on by my bed, this was the first thing I saw.
And I feel it somehow today too.
I can’t explain it, because it doesn’t make sense…but I know where it’s coming from.
The Lord has blanketed us in love over the past week. I have been blown away by the love and prayers we’ve received from dear friends and from people we don’t even know. We have gotten cards, and flowers, and so many emails of encouragement. Friends are bringing meals and sweet gifts for me to remember Fisher. Even the nurse at the hospital yesterday gave me a pair of hand knit baby booties, and a soft teddy bear with a bracelet spelling out his name. I have cried every time I look at them, and at 33, I’m not too old to sleep with a teddy bear either. There has been something oddly comforting about holding this stuffed animal bearing our sweet son’s name.
All to say, we have felt so loved. So thank you all. Thank you for the comments, the notes, the tweets, the facebook messages, the random drop bys, the meals, the flowers….thank you for loving us so well. Thank you for praying for us and showing us the love of Father. We have felt it all. (And to whomever sent me the anonymous sunflowers from ProFlowers.com today…oh my words…thank you so much sweet friend.)
Someone wrote to me the other day and said that together with the saints, I’d be lifted up in prayer. I wasn’t going through this alone. I have been looking and looking to find the scripture for this, and the Lord has given me Ephesians 3:17-19.
So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
It has been through your faithful encouragement and intercession on our behalf that I am constantly reminded of the breadth and length and height and depth of the Father’s love that surpasses knowledge. Thank you a million times friends. Please don’t stop praying just yet…this road isn’t done for me, but with your encouragements and prayers, I’m amazingly already journeying on a healing pathway.
The Lord gave me a picture this morning of me standing in a field and I thought I was alone. Then the viewpoint panned outwards and I realized that there was an army of people standing in front of me all holding hands playing Red Rover. There were lines and lines of you standing in front of me and as I stood at the back by myself (with my family,) I realized that as the enemy dared to run towards me, it was the army of you all and your prayers for me that deflected him.
I found this picture this morning and I really loved it. I love the image, and it’s the one I have right now of you all in front of me. An impenetrable wall of faith and prayer and love.
From the bottom of my heart….truly, thank you. Your shielding provides such a margin for hope restored. I am overwhelmed.
In my ideal world, I SO wish I could email each one of you back to thank you for your words, for sympathizing, and for sharing your own pains with me. I am so thankful that the Lord can use us, even in our depths, to bring encouragement and a sense of community to one another. So many of you emailed me and said “I’m so glad to know I’m not alone.” You’re not alone, my friends. And if you need to know that even more than just I share in your pain, have a look through the comment section from my Raw post the other day. You will be amazed to see the droves of dear friends who have been willing to share their own stories. We are not alone….not at all.
Logan, I just wanted to tell you that I’ve been reading your tweets and posts since losing your tiny one and my heart is just broken for you. Although I haven’t walked through multiple losses, I do know the pain of losing a baby. My first son was stillborn at 20 weeks and it just about killed me. I, too, was so very mad at God…and at all the people who tried to tell me that he was in a better place and all that crap you don’t ever say to a momma who’s just lost a baby. I even had a friend ask why I named him Christian and didn’t save the name for a son that lived…could have strangled her! Christian has been gone almost 19 years and I can honestly tell you that God does heal your heart. Not quickly and never completely, but there will come a day when you are able to think about your tiny angels and not totally fall apart. Of course, there are still times that I do totally fall apart! 🙂
Know, more than anything, that I am praying for you daily!
Tonya,
Thank you for your encouraging words. I do know that time heals…have seen it heal before. I guess in this situation old wounds from the same things get peeled back open a little bit even when you’ve moved past. I have seen healing before though and know it will come again. And Christian…I love that name. He has friends in heaven…who’s names I wanted to SO use here on earth, but the Lord gave those names to me for my 4 precious souls in heaven. I appreciate the prayers SO MUCH! Thank you for lifting me up before the Father!
Dear Logan,
I tried numerous times to leave a comment or send an e-mail earlier but I just couldn’t. I can’t tell you how often I would think of you during the day and say a prayer for you and your family. You truly were/are not alone. I am glad you have felt the Lord’s loving arms wrapped around you in the form of friends, loved ones and those you don’t even know.
I am glad that you feel hope. I love this line: “I can’t explain it, because it doesn’t make sense…but I know where it’s coming from.” Isn’t that just His way…to give us a peace and hope when things don’t make sense.
Hugs, prayers and blessings coming your way ~
Mary
Sweet Mary, your words are blessing. Much love to you!